Mama Hunch (#997)

     A little old Italian lady who walks slowly, supporting herself on a cane. The hunchback 
is apparent, though the long black dress hides most of the heavy-soled boot of her 
club foot. Her long, jowled face is dolorous, her pouchy eyes shrewd, sad and faintly 
malevolent.  Her skinny talons clutch her cane as if daring you to try stealing it 
from her.

yum = dobjstr;
if ((((((dobjstr == "coffee") || (dobjstr == "tea")) || (dobjstr == "mint tea")) 
|| (dobjstr == "espresso")) || (dobjstr == "latte")) || (dobjstr == "capuccino"))
    player:tell(this.name, " grumbles under her breath at being disturbed.  Tapping 
with her cane, she limps to the espresso machine and is lost in a cloud of steam 
and a fierce rush of heat.  Fixing her beady eye on you, she hobbles over with your 
", yum, " and plunks it down in front of you.");
    player.location:announce("Muttering malevolently, ", this.name, " hobbles to 
the espresso machine.  A whoosh of steam obscures her, until like a witch from some 
unholy concoction of her brew she emerges and plunks down a steaming hot ", yum, 
" in front of ", player.name, ".");
    t1 = ("You try a sip of your " + yum) + ".  Its steam is fragrant, its taste 
refreshing.";
    t2 = ("You try your " + yum) + " and find it tasty and bracing.";
    tastemsg = {t1, t2}[random(2)];
    suspend(random(2) + 4);
    player:tell(tastemsg);
    y1 = ("%N sips %p " + yum) + ".";
    y2 = ("%N inhales the steam from %p " + yum) + " and savors a slow swallow.";
    y3 = ("%N drinks from %p steaming hot " + yum) + ".";
    y4 = ("%N drinks thoughtfully from %p " + yum) + ".";
    y5 = ("%N sips delicately from %p " + yum) + ".";
    y6 = ("%N turns %p " + yum) + " on the table, then lifts it and drinks.";
    y7 = ("%N rolls %p " + yum) + " on %p tongue, then %s slowly swallows.";
    y8 = ("Raising %p " + yum) + ", %N blows lightly to cool it, and drinks.";
    y9 = ("With an attentive face %N sips %p " + yum) + ".";
    v1 = ("You sip at your " + yum) + ".";
    v2 = ("You have a swallow of your good " + yum) + ".";
    v3 = ("The hot " + yum) + " rolls delightfully over your tongue.";
    v4 = ("You taste your " + yum) + ".  It's so good you immediately have a little 
more.";
    v5 = ("You toy abstractedly with your " + yum) + " then lift it and sip.";
    v6 = ("You look thoughtfully into the depths of your " + yum) + ".  You savor 
another taste.";
    v7 = ("The " + yum) + " goes down smoothly. You lick your lips.";
    v8 = ("With gusto you swallow some " + yum) + ".";
    v9 = ("You muse on the oddities of life, sipping your " + yum) + ".";
    yummsg1 = {y1, y2, y3}[random(3)];
    yummsg2 = {y4, y5, y6, y7}[random(4)];
    yummsg3 = {y8, y9, y2, y6, y4}[random(5)];
    vinmsg1 = {v1, v2}[random(2)];
    vinmsg2 = {v3, v4, v5, v6, v7, v8}[random(6)];
    vinmsg3 = {v9, v5, v1}[random(3)];
    finishmsg = ("%N finishes %p " + yum) + ".";
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg1));
        suspend(random(20) + 55);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell(vinmsg1);
        player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg2));
        suspend(random(20) + 40);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell(vinmsg3);
        suspend(random(4) + 20);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell(vinmsg2);
        player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg3));
        suspend(random(10) + 70);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell(vinmsg3);
        player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg2));
        suspend(random(5) + 30);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell(vinmsg2);
        suspend(random(20) + 55);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell(vinmsg1);
        suspend(random(5) + 10);
    endif
    if (player.location == this.location)
        player:tell("You finish your ", yum, ".");
        player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(finishmsg));
    endif
elseif (((((((((dobjstr == "truffle") || (dobjstr == "truffles")) || (dobjstr == 
"chocolate truffles")) || (dobjstr == "tiramisu")) || (dobjstr == "cassata")) || 
(dobjstr == "cassata alla siciliana")) || (dobjstr == "tartes")) || (dobjstr == "tarts")) 
|| (dobjstr == "tart"))
    player:tell(this.name, " glares.  `What do you think I am, punk, a relay runner? 
 The desserts are in the case, get your damn ", yum, " your damn self!'");
else
    player:tell(this.name, " fixes you with her beady little eye, muttering derision 
of `", yum, "' and all its kin.  You decide to avoid more embarassment by reading 
the menu.");
    player.location:announce(player.name, " ventures to make an order.  ", this.name, 
" ridicules ", player.po, " for not looking at the menu.");
endif
.

if (dobjstr == "cane")
    player:tell("You sneak up on ", this.name, " and try to grab her cane.");
    player.location:announce(player.name, " creeps silently up behind ", this.name, 
" and tries to snatch her cane.");
    suspend(random(2) + 5);
    player:tell(this.name, " wheels.  The light of battle glints in her greedy little 
eyes.  She swings her cane with vicious glee, cracking your shins painfully.");
    player.location:announce(this.name, " spins, cursing like a sailor.  With malevolent 
delight she lays into ", player.name, " with the cane and gives ", player.pp, " shins 
a merciless whacking.");
else
    player:tell("What?  What?  You can't take no ", dobjstr, " from Mama!");
endif
.

yum = dobjstr;
if ((((((dobjstr == "coffee") || (dobjstr == "tea")) || (dobjstr == "mint tea")) 
|| (dobjstr == "espresso")) || (dobjstr == "latte")) || (dobjstr == "capuccino"))
    player:tell(this.name, " grumbles under her breath at being disturbed.  Tapping 
with her cane, she limps to the espresso machine and is lost in a cloud of steam 
and a fierce rush of heat.  Fixing her beady eye on you, she hobbles over with your 
", yum, " and plunks it down in front of you.");
    player.location:announce("Muttering malevolently, ", this.name, " hobbles to 
the espresso machine.  A whoosh of steam obscures her, until like a witch from some 
unholy concoction of her brew she emerges and plunks down a steaming hot ", yum, 
" in front of ", player.name, ".");
    t1 = ("You try a sip of your " + yum) + ".  Its steam is fragrant, its taste 
refreshing.";
    t2 = ("You try your " + yum) + " and find it tasty and bracing.";
    tastemsg = {t1, t2}[random(2)];
    suspend(random(2) + 4);
    player:tell(tastemsg);
    y1 = ("%N sips %p " + yum) + ".";
    y2 = ("%N inhales the steam from %p " + yum) + " and savors a slow swallow.";
    y3 = ("%N drinks from %p steaming hot " + yum) + ".";
    y4 = ("%N drinks thoughtfully from %p " + yum) + ".";
    y5 = ("%N sips delicately from %p " + yum) + ".";
    y6 = ("%N turns %p " + yum) + " on the table, then lifts it and drinks.";
    y7 = ("%N rolls %p " + yum) + " on %p tongue, then %s slowly swallows.";
    y8 = ("Raising %p " + yum) + ", %N blows lightly to cool it, and drinks.";
    y9 = ("With an attentive face %N sips %p " + yum) + ".";
    v1 = ("You sip at your " + yum) + ".";
    v2 = ("You have a swallow of your good " + yum) + ".";
    v3 = ("The hot " + yum) + " rolls delightfully over your tongue.";
    v4 = ("You taste your " + yum) + ".  It's so good you immediately have a little 
more.";
    v5 = ("You toy abstractedly with your " + yum) + " then lift it and sip.";
    v6 = ("You look thoughtfully into the depths of your " + yum) + ".  You savor 
another taste.";
    v7 = ("The " + yum) + " goes down smoothly. You lick your lips.";
    v8 = ("With gusto you swallow some " + yum) + ".";
    v9 = ("You muse on the oddities of life, sipping your " + yum) + ".";
    yummsg1 = {y1, y2, y3}[random(3)];
    yummsg2 = {y4, y5, y6, y7}[random(4)];
    yummsg3 = {y8, y9, y2, y6, y4}[random(5)];
    vinmsg1 = {v1, v2}[random(2)];
    vinmsg2 = {v3, v4, v5, v6, v7, v8}[random(6)];
    vinmsg3 = {v9, v5, v1}[random(3)];
    finishmsg = ("%N finishes %p " + yum) + ".";
    player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg1));
    suspend(random(20) + 55);
    player:tell(vinmsg1);
    player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg2));
    suspend(random(20) + 40);
    player:tell(vinmsg3);
    suspend(random(4) + 20);
    player:tell(vinmsg2);
    player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg3));
    suspend(random(10) + 70);
    player:tell(vinmsg3);
    player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(yummsg2));
    suspend(random(5) + 30);
    player:tell(vinmsg2);
    suspend(random(20) + 55);
    player:tell(vinmsg1);
    suspend(random(5) + 10);
    player:tell("You finish your ", yum, ".");
    player.location:announce($string_utils:pronoun_sub(finishmsg));
elseif (((((((((dobjstr == "truffle") || (dobjstr == "truffles")) || (dobjstr == 
"chocolate truffles")) || (dobjstr == "tiramisu")) || (dobjstr == "cassata")) || 
(dobjstr == "cassata alla siciliana")) || (dobjstr == "tartes")) || (dobjstr == "tarts")) 
|| (dobjstr == "tart"))
    player:tell(this.name, " glares.  `What do you think I am, punk, a relay runner? 
 The desserts are in the case, get your damn ", yum, " your damn self!'");
else
    player:tell(this.name, " fixes you with her beady little eye, muttering derision 
of `", yum, "' and all its kin.  You decide to avoid more embarassment by reading 
the menu.");
    player.location:announce(player.name, " ventures to make an order.  ", this.name, 
" ridicules ", player.po, " for not looking at the menu.");
endif
.